Feelings...and more!

I know it sounds crazy, but I am so excited that my boys are starting to look more alike! Tyler seems to be progressing really well. He is starting to smile and is very curious about everything. He is my baby who is the most interested in interacting with his siblings. He is starting to play more and get excited about toys. Emily has done all this for a while and Ryan has too. Ryan is just more laid back like his dad and doesn't get to excited like the other two. It is so good to see them growing and progressing!

Emily and Tyler playing together

Brotherly love!

So I hear my blog has brought some to tears. I may do it again now! I feel like God has laid this on my heart and I have to do this. I was reading a daily devotional yesterday and the title "Little Things" caught my eye. I read the story and then a quote at the bottom and my mind starting working. I felt like I should type something last night. I ended up going to bed with all those thoughts in my head. Today I read my daily thought that is emailed to me from Real Simple magazine and was shocked to see what it said. After reading it I had no doubt that God was telling me I should have typed this last night! But since God knows I am stubborn he gave me a second chance and I am sure he is as hard headed as I am and will keep giving me hints until I get it! The quote in the devotional was, "The comfort God has given us He wants us now to share with others who are suffering so they will sense His care." The quote in my email today said, "If one is out of touch with oneself, than one cannot touch others." Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. ⁶ Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. ⁷ And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. This is the bible verse in the devotional. I have had much comfort from God. I believe this comes from my faith. I spent time finding bible verses to comfort me and always had faith that no matter what the plan that God would see me through. I have had many trials trying to get my babies to this earth. As most of you know I had trouble with infertility. What most of you don't know is the time I spent in tears and grieving. I consider myself to be a strong person and don't often show those feelings. I still remember the moment I had a positive pregnancy test and when I heard the heart beat for the first time. Those days were so happy and yet so sad. I was overwhelmed with joy, as most of you mothers can relate to. However, after so much disappointment I still was worried that things would not work out and was almost reluctant. Most families who struggle with infertility are filled with relief the second they hear their baby take their first breath and cry. For me it was again a sigh of relief but yet one of worry. I was so overwhelmed with the joy that 2 of my 3 were able to cry but due to their early delivery was so unsure of what would happen next. I was still very apprehensive about what the future would hold. I looked at all of them and was immediately in love. I was very worried about getting attached to them for fear that something horrible could still happen. Almost like a self protection mode. I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression with my last statement. I certainly loved all 3 and would never trade them. It is hard to explain unless you have been through all the disappointments. I was so worried of being given bad news and losing my happiness that I was almost detached emotionally. I did have a couple of people who could see through this and called me out on it in their own inconspicuous ways. To you I am grateful. They are the reason that I was able to see my blessing and be thankful to God. When I first made this realization I was thankful for what I had. I resolved myself to the fact that even if something were to happen that I had many happy moments to look back on. I knew that things may not turn out the way I wanted but was thankful for every second I was given with my babies. I was still not totally connected but at least did not feel guilty about those happy moments and worried less about the future. At a certain point, I can't tell you exactly when, it finally became real to me. I was finally able to feel like this had really happened for me. I was really the mother that I had always wanted to be and my babies were all going to be ok. It was then that I felt the "motherhood" that everyone had always told me about. I had so many moms tell me that the moment you see your baby is the best moment of your life and there is nothing else like it. For me it was the moment I saw my baby (babies) for what they were. A miracle from God. I knew that he had given three of his best creations to me. Why am I so lucky you ask? I can't tell you that. All I know is that God has given me a reward that I can never repay him for. Everyone has that same miracle in the life of his Son Jesus Christ but I was given a second reward. I am not sure who all reads my blog or how the story of your life unfolds. I do however feel that God has given me these words to help someone else. Perhaps my suffering turned to joy can help someone else to feel his comfort. Perhaps the comfort is just for me by telling my story. I am not sure which. What I do know is that God has blessed me more than words can say and I am greatly indebted to him. If there are any of you reading this who have not professed your faith in our Lord please speak to a pastor about this. God has an unconditional love for all his children. With a little faith who knows what he may bring your way. Life is so much greater with Christ! Are you crying yet????? Sorry! If it makes you feel better...I am too!